Ways we can be kinder to ourselves
*Trigger topic: weight loss, fat shaming, diet culture, eating disorders
Recently, Adele posted a picture thanking everyone for her birthday wishes and the whole world went crazy over her weight loss. People have been comparing her from before, debating on whether they ‘prefer’ her now or they ‘prefer’ her before she lost weight. I just want to rewind the fact that Adele is known for her talented voice and being a singer. Her voice. Not her body. Throughout our entire lives, we have succumbed to this obsession that losing weight is the answer to happiness and that once we reach the ‘perfect’ size, we will feel content. How many of you have had ‘lose weight’ as a New Year’s Resolution every year? I openly admit that was one of mine this year. We as a society need to realise that we are way more than our bodies and it does not define who we are.
I remember several years ago being bored in my living room with nothing to watch in a midweek evening. Normally, Channel 4 is a great place to put something on after 8pm and then I noticed a show called Extreme Diet Hotel, with a weight loss guru stating she can make people lose a stone within a week. Now me being insecure and naive, I thought ‘brilliant!’ I could educate myself with this show and use their methods to lose weight. Now please tell me why this was broadcasted on national TV?
450 calories a day but with vigorous exercise throughout the day
A bride-to-be on the show exercised so much, she vomited her meal (containing pretty much lettuce on a plate) and yet was still forced to join everyone at dinner time
Fat-shaming throughout the programme “What doesn’t kill you makes you thinner”
But what did 18 year old me think of this programme at the time? Amazing. I thought wow this woman lost a stone in a week. I wish I could do the same. I even looked on the website of the retreat to find out that it costs a staggering £1200 for a week to basically be called fat and stuffed cabbage down your throat. Of course I did not buy into this due to the cost but imagine if this retreat was readily available to me? What sort of mind games would it have led me to believe in thinking was healthy and can be normalised? In terms of fasting; whether for spirituality reasons, religious reasons or for intermittent fasting, if it is done properly and during a day with little to no exercise, that is okay and can make you feel re-energised both physically and mentally. But if you are meaning to tell me you’ll be eating 450 calories with over 6 hours exercise a day… toxic. The worst part is, the retreat is still available for booking with prices still going up to over £1000 for a week retreat! I was 18 when I watched the show and when I was younger I watched similar shows explaining to me the importance of calorie counting and what I HAVE to avoid otherwise I’m ‘sinning’. Which leads me on to my next point: WeightWatchers.
Artist and author Florence Given (@florencegiven) revealed this point to me on her Instagram earlier this week at how WeightWatchers “is a cult” and has a point system for certain types of foods with members of the clubs having been scorned in front of other members if they have gained weight that week. I personally do not know much about the club and have never been to one myself, but giving a leader of a group that much control on what you can eat and shame you if otherwise, does not sound like a positive experience to me. Making food seem like an enemy and a point system or promoting people to believe that living a healthier lifestyle can be a ‘quick fix’ can lead to eating disorders and horrible associations to food. Majority of the UK is most likely aware of what Weight Watchers is and have probably thought about joining. This also does not help as a generational argument with these slimming groups being targeted at mothers and with the classes being hosted in the evenings, some mothers have to bring their children along. So from a young age, our subconscious has been filled with the ‘negativity’ of gaining weight, assuming being called fat should be taken as an insult or believing that our weight defines our beauty.
Do you know what defines our beauty? Our kindness to others, the positive energy we give out to the world.
But how can we be kind to others if we are horrible to ourselves?
Which leads me onto my next point:
How to promote actual self-care
First of all, we have to actually look at our relationship with food. Food is fucking delicious and there is so many beautiful cultures with various forms of meals. The main aspect of eating food daily is to maintain a balanced lifestyle with all the food groups: carbohydrates, protein, fats, vitamins etc. Also when I say ‘relationship with food’ I mean it quite literally. Another person’s relationship with food might need more calories for their height and weight. Metaphorically, if they were on a date with food, they might need more action, say hand holding or a bum slap for example. However someone else might be uncomfortable with public displays of affection during their date with food so they might need a little less. No one goes around looking at people’s relationships trying to copy everything they do with their other half. Food is an individual experience. That is why we all have different opinions on the taste of food and how we enjoy it. Some people have allergies, some people don’t. Also we are going to be completely ignoring the ‘2000 calories’ a day for women and ‘2500 calories’ a day for men. That should not be a guideline and it has integrated a seed in society that all women have to eat less than men when again it is an individual experience. So to figure out what works for you it is literally the case of trial and error. Listen to your gut. Notice if you feel more tired on certain types of foods or if certain meals make you feel satisfied. I realised that every time I used to eat dairy, I just felt bloated and sleepy. The brain is very much connected to your gut, so yes your eating habits can have an impact on your mental health. But life is always about balance, be aware of your food intake for health purposes, not weight and treat yourself! No point system or feeling guilty here, enjoy that piece of cake because you deserve it.
The topic of food and exercise tend to go hand in hand so another way to promote self care is by exercising for the health benefits and not to lose calories. One bad habit of mine that I try to avoid doing to this day is eating something I believe is ‘naughty’ due to society’s connotations of it, feel guilty about it, then do a workout advertised to help me burn off 1000 calories. For a start, calories do not work like that and I created this vicious cycle by relying on these intense workouts every time I ate something ‘bad’, knowing full well that it was not a sustainable lifestyle. I will always promote some type of fitness but exercise is meant to be enjoyed, so please jog, cycle or squat for whatever your heart desires without the pure motivation of losing weight
Another way to be kinder to ourselves is to realise that everything has been socially constructed (deep, I know). The only reason why ‘fat’ and ‘skinny’ seem like such insults is because society has made it to be. But these are body types, we all have literal fat within our bodies. However, am I still going to accept the statements “you’re fat” “you’re skinny”. No. Because that entails that you have noticed the person’s weight first and congratulating someone on losing weight is not necessarily a positive thing either. Unless the person shows excitement from building their strength through workouts and have shared they are living a healthier lifestyle, you can compliment their progress and how happy they look. There have been times in my life where I was too lazy to make food until 8:30pm everyday and throughout those times I have lost weight. If someone was to compliment the loss of weight to someone not actually trying to be, it could trigger behaviour in thinking that this is a healthier way to live because they were officially society’s standard body size.
One last point that I will make is that you do not have to aim for 3 meals a day. If you are not hungry then you are not hungry. Back to the time of eating from only 8:30pm onwards was not due to lack of hunger, but was due to me binge eating so much at night that I was too tired the next day to do anything productive nor make food. Always listen to your body. For everything. You want to relax and do nothing? Do it. You made 2 portions of spaghetti bolognese but realise you want to have the second bowl? Go for it. Self-care to me anyway is defined as you listening to your body and needs. Your body is not talking to you telling you to lose weight. Society’s perceptions are. I know it is harder said than done after years of being told otherwise, but think about all the things your body does for you.
The senses you have, to be able to experience the world
Your organs working 24/7 to keep your body functioning
Being able to experience different emotions both high and low
Look at your body underneath what you see in the mirror and realise that you are a badass bitch.
This post was created for Mental Health Awareness Week 2020 by the Mental Health Foundation with the theme being kindness. I will be posting every day this week to depict different perspectives on how we can kinder to others and ourselves.
My last post was ways we can be kinder to others, which you can read here: https://punnyillustrations.wixsite.com/website/post/random-acts-of-kindness
Be sure to follow my Instagram @punnyillustrations_ for more.
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